Hanna’s Story

I am a 35 year old woman and mother of 3 now, by my lords grace. My abortions were when I was young, about 18-23 years old as I had two, as a result of a long term relationship and during a period where I thought I couldn’t get pregnant. At the time I knew the implications of proceeding with the pregnancies: my parents, my family and wider society would have written my life away and that of the child. At the time I was relieved there was an option to help my situation but shortly after I was deeply regretful and fell into depression.

I have held the guilt for decades probably partly because I haven’t been able to tell anyone, a few people in my past know but my present life they don’t. The process was simple, doctors surgery, request, appointment and done on the same day. I feel a mix of emotions now but always a sense of regret but I also understand who that young girl was and the people around her. There was no way they could have even fathomed that I would get pregnant so…

I look at the young me and realise why she did it and I don’t berate and shame her anymore, I accept that she was terrified of the consequences and that she did it to survive.

I am grateful that Allah allowed me to have children, I felt that my punishment would be not being able to have anymore. I also am a big advocate for protection- I think it’s important to even talk to Muslim girls- we expect they are not in relationships and they agents sexually active but then the information doesn’t reach them- so we should speak about contraception regardless of expectations as it allows friends, family and so forth who may know they have a partner, interest and so forth to advise them.

-Hanna, 35, UK