Yasmin’s Story
When I was 17 years old, I had an abortion. I was in a relationship at the time, and I am still in that relationship almost three years later. I found out I was pregnant and told my boyfriend, another Muslim teenager, and it was a decision we came to together.
Having a baby as an unmarried teen whilst doing A-Levels would not have been a good choice for me, not considering the Islamic stigma and shame of zina. It is probably one of the healthiest, most consensual, and autonomous decisions I have ever made.
I took mifepristone at nine weeks pregnant in my home, and went through an extremely physically and mentally strenuous experience, to the point where I could not move from my bathroom floor for a whole day and could not eat a single meal with spitting it back out due to nausea. I faced so much grief and confusion in this, but I have always known that I needed to do this.
Often when we talk about abortions within the Muslim community we are quick to assert the rights of Muslim women when their lives are endangered, when they are abused, and whether their abortion is ‘Islamically justified.’
I do not think my abortion was less necessary or vital, though many would pass the blame to my own irresponsible sexual actions.
In fact, the reason I have never spoken about it publicly is because I know I will get backlash from people whose religious opinions I hold in high value. I hope one day I will be able to open up to those I care about, like my parents, without fearing their reaction or feeling that I will be a disappointment.
Shame and guilt is something I have been battling with for the last three years but I am still grateful that I could access abortion and now I am happy to see Islam-focused spaces for women like me.
No woman deserves to be judged or belittled for her actions, even if you do not agree with them.
We all have the right to autonomy, we even have the autonomy to make decisions that others would deem a mistake, or wrong.
It is a God-given right.
I am hopeful about the future. Inshallah, I am planning to get married after finishing my degree. I already have good job prospects and the world is an exciting place, out there for me to explore. I can’t wait to have children and be the best mother I can be when I am ready.
I think about my baby a lot. I know how old they would be. There is a lot I still don’t know: I wonder if they would have had my hair colour, or their father’s eyes. If they would have had the same favourite foods as me, or the same love of maps as their father.
But there is something else I do definitely know, and it is that they were loved, and that is why I have to wait to meet them.
-Yasmin, 19, London
