Sabeena’s Story
My husband and I found out we were expecting our first child in the fall of 2022. We were thrilled. This pregnancy was planned and the baby was so wanted. We cautiously told family and held our breath hoping for the best. We made it to our 12 week appointment and we were beaming that morning at the doctors office. We had made it through the first trimester, surely anything risky was behind us now.
After the ultrasound the Doctor came in with a calm but serious demeanor. He said it for what is was- a serious concern there is something wrong. Something that is severely abnormal.
Everything from that point is a blur of tears and my heart dropping to depths it had never seen before. When we went to the MFM, a specialist in abnormal or complicated pregnancies, we learned that the baby had a chromosomal disorder but they couldn’t tell us which one. They knew however it was incompatible with life and the fetus would not survive. The Doctor walked in and asked us if we would be willing to consider an abortion. It was that serious.
For anyone who opposes abortion in all situations, is it really fair to ask a woman in this situation to carry a fetus that will not survive? Every moment of pregnancy serving as a reminder for your pending loss.
The Hanafi school of thought allows abortion in certain cases up until 16 weeks, and I believed my situation fell into that category of harm to myself and my unborn child.
So we decided to abort and at 14 weeks pregnant I was finally able to get an appointment at a clinic in another state. To complicate matters, I live in a state with an abortion ban. So I had to travel out of state to get the care I needed. Those two weeks of waiting I continued to have nausea and all the usual pregnancy symptoms: a cruel reminder that my body was still carrying life that was doomed.
We later learned that the baby had Monosomy X. She was a girl with only one X chromosome.
The procedure was brief but traumatic. I had to stay awake due to complications at the clinic. I bled for a month, and each visit to the bathroom reminded me of my loss. I cried endlessly.
I think of her often, and what she taught me about grief and how to pick yourself up out of the depths of despair.
I think of how Hadith narrate that all babies lost in this world reside in a garden maintained by the Prophet Ibrahim and his wife.
I also think of how grateful I am, despite it all hurting so much, that I was able to get an abortion.
I am typing this as the mother of a healthy baby girl who was conceived two months after my abortion.
In a parallel universe I would be in deep post partum depression having seen through a pregnancy of an unhealthy fetus and forced to give birth knowing it would not survive.
Instead, today I’m a mom who has one daughter in the heavens and one in her arms. A mom who is a woman with her mental health sustained. A woman who is eager to add value to society.
Abortion is healthcare.
Abortion is mercy.
Abortion is sometimes necessary.
-Sabeena, 32, Austin
